Mr. Bucknuts' Bucket Of Bullets

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

No, not “O-H”…

Because there were no easy answers like “I-O” to this one.

This was like an “ohhhhhhh” that you hear when you can’t quite believe. Or the “ohhhhhhhhhhhh” like air being let out of a football.

You could have added both O-H-I-O’s together in the first half and those two Ohio teams still wouldn’t have made one good offensive showing. Some of us worried about this game, thinking about last year’s second game of the season, in which we barely tipped an equally-average Akron squad 20-2 after trailing inauspiciously. This time? It looked like a sandlot game with the little kids beating up on the big kids.

There were lots of other “ohhhh’s” during the game including a spate of missed sacks that dealt the Bucks some body blows, missed holes by our No. 2, No. 3 and No. 4 tailbacks, some missed play calls and a Bobcat team that was, Frankly, oh-verlooked.

And our “Oh-line”? Oh boy. How many times did you watch the “Ohhh-team” come off the field dejectedly and think about next week, or the rest of the season and say, “uh oh”?

Whatever it was, looking to the future or over-looking the present, our guys did not look like they should have looked. That’s a given. We have to get over this miasma and move on because we want them to get over it, as well. They need our support. Hell, they need a support group. Maybe even a 12-step program between now and next Saturday. But – it was a win and you have to learn to win ugly, which is a lot better than losing pretty. I think.

And remember Coach T’s immortal line that “The punt is the most important play in football”? Well, AJ Trapasso had his first kick of the season early on (a good one) and then proceeded to kick like it was the first kicks of his career. Scary stuff. Luckily, one of the Ohio BobbleCats muffed a critical return and we scored. Then they punted to us and we scored. That was pretty much the game, in a Bucknut-shell.

I wanted to blame Todd Boeckman (bad passes, happy feet, and two fumbles on that catastrophic touchdown/turnover) but he was getting too little support to shoulder too much of the blame. In the first half, at one point, he was 8-13 with FOUR dropped passes. There would have been a heckuva lot less excitement if the Hartlines and Robiskies would have shown up.

Yes, we seemed to be dialing long distance all afternoon but we did get the 800 number right. That is, simmering the Bobcats on Saturday was victory #800 in the long and vaunted history in the Buckeye football pantheon. 800 wins. Man, that’s saying something. And here’s what else they were saying:

The players were talking about winning “another marble”. If you heard Rory Nicol on our Bucknuts Radio Hour last week, he told the tale that Tressel gave every one of the seniors a bag of 12 marbles. After each game, they were to come into his office and give him back one marble. The bag empties out fast (that’s a big part of the message) and the seniors have to focus on each game – even Ohio U. When Nicol was asked what he wanted to be remembered for in his last season, he quipped, “Winning all the marbles!”

Well, Rory, there were a few marbles that didn’t get picked up on Saturday. But – you win and you move on, while a lot of us fans felt like we were losing our marbles..

As to the game itself, I learned a number of things last week that surprised even me:

1) I learned that you can’t tie a 14-12 game by going for a one-point PAT. Pretorious was so surprised when he was sent out there that he almost whiffed.

2) I learned that I would rather win ugly and have the future of the Buckeyes than win ugly and have the future of the Wolverines or Fighting Irish. And I’m much more sanguine than losing ugly like the Mountaineers. And speaking of win-lose-Ty, say good-bye to Coach Willingham out in Washington. Might not be his fault, but he will be paying the price…

3) I learned that it’s easier to say “Clausen causes colossal concerns” than it is to say “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick”. Notre Dame’s pickle is still just as sour.

4) I learned that the Bobcats wore T-shirts that said “O-S-Who?” on them, during the walk-around on Friday. Well, who knew?

5) I learned that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo and no one knows why.

6) I learned that Ohio State no longer leads the nation in any defensive category other than “quarterback escapes allowed to a back-up”. But, believe it or not, we are No. 2 in the nation in total defense.

7) Finally, I was chagrined to learn that 23 percent of all photocopier failure worldwide is caused by people sitting on them and trying  to photocopy their butts.

Pick or choose – all of the above are true.

And, next week? We face the USC Trojans, giving them two weeks to prepare. What else have we learned as fans? Well, luckily for us, our expectations have been, uh, tempered. Southern Cal is already being called the greatest team ever and all I can say is:

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                              *     *     *     *

Tips for the Trojans…Well, it’s now official. We can forego any pretense that the pre-season isn’t over and we can focus on what appears to be the “Whole Season”: USC. It is California dreamin’ time here at Bucknuts and I am amazed at how the national football media thinks that us Bucknuts’ boosters are completely dreaming if we think there’s any chance whatsoever against a Trojan machine that is the juggernaut of all time. Really. They said as much. And it will get really ugly later this week.

Colin Cowherd, who has been right as many as five times in the past two years, said it plainly: “USC is the greatest defense I have ever seen”. I don’t think he was just talking college, either. Maybe he was including the military as well. Eleven future NFL stars on that team, he intoned wantonly.

And others weren’t nearly as restrained. Many posters on the WeAreSC TEAM message board wondered aloud how many NFL teams that this group of Southern Cal phenoms could beat. Seriously. And the Virginia Cavaliers (now called the “Virginia Cadavers” after they were disemboweled, dismembered and eviscerated by the Mongol hordes from LA - no, not the media - two Saturdays ago), were reported by the Charlottesville paper as saying: The Virginia players acted as if they had just witnessed a train wreck. The Cavaliers -- the ones who play on offense -- were trying to describe what it felt like to face the USC defense. Again and again, they arrived at the same conclusion. "Their speed was pretty unbelievable," quarterback Peter Lalich said.
Tailback Cedric Peerman agreed: "Speed everywhere."

And on ESPN, a group of guys that pride themselves on being right almost twice as often as Cowherd (that’s Bill Plaschke and Jay Mariotti) said: Best USC team they have seen. Ohio State has no chance .They are going to get pummeled. "Its gonna be ugly"

EA Sports even ran a few dozen game simulations and the average score had Ohio State losing 31-14.

You know, I’ve already got my tickets and my room reservations so I guess I will go out there anyway to watch this slow-motion accident unfold. I hope the players don’t decide to stay home since their fate seems already sealed.

The question is: who shows up for the Buckeyes on Saturday? Is it the team that sleep-walked through the Bobcat quagmire or the team that 6 NFL-bound juniors came back to school to play on – to show the world? You can’t control much but you can control who you want to be.

And who are these USC uniforms with bones? The Southern Cal team does remind me of another team OSU has played: The 2002 Miami Hurricanes. We heard all the same things before we beat them – for a national championship.

USC will either look like that physically-manhandled Hurricane team from January 2003 OR they will swagger out like the Florida Gator team (January 2007) and LSU Tiger team (January 2008).

That’s the Buckeye players' call – for all the marbles…

                                                    *     *     *     *

“Dame”, it rhymes with “lame”…and stands for “poor”. That’s right, we are talking “dame” as in “Notre Dame”. We can talk about this “poor” program in either the short-term, medium-term or long-term.

Long-term? They haven’t won a bowl game in 15 years. Since that time 89 (out of 119 teams) have won bowl games in college football.

Medium term?  On offense last year, they finished 119^th out of 119 in the nation. And that’s despite having the self-professed offensive genius in Charlie Weis-Ass, who turned out to be much more “offensive” than “genius”.

Short term? Charlie was smart enough to put together a MUCH easier schedule for 2008 (what do you mean, he didn’t do it himself?) and was hoping to feast on a really poor San Diego State squad who, last week, lost to Cal Poly (!) and gave up nearly 500 yards in doing so.

Well, in the first half Saturday, the poor Irish (you will hear that phrase more in football than in regards to that famous famine) were basically shut out and converted just one third down until a minute to go in the half..

They won in the end with a heady mix of fluke-ish plays and freakish refereeing. A stout formula. But there were those Irish faithful who mumbled something about the glory days of Ty Willingham (available again soon…) or even George O’Leary. Feast or famine, there’s still not much meat on these Irish bones…

                                                   *     *     *     *

Rumors of the high school Halls…Our own hardworking Bill Kurelic set tongues a-wagging a week ago simply by reporting a conversation he had with nationally coveted offensive lineman, Marcus Hall of Cleveland Glenville. Hall, who is likely to wait until January to proclaim his ultimate college team loyalty, decided to change up his “leaders” in public and left Ohio State off that Top Two list. Hey – what else can a mischievous kid do between now and signing day?

It brought up a few blasts of nostalgia from yours truly:

1)      I remember back to those “professional courtesy days” when other Ohio State websites wouldn’t let posters publish premium material from competitive sites. It’s one thing for them to disclaim Bill and ridicule his conversation (?), it’s another thing to print it word for word.

2)      I remember another famous Hall recruit, also an offensive lineman, also from northern Ohio: Antonio Hall. In a year when the three top O-linemen left the state (Hall, Munoz and Cristopfel), Antonio was the most painful “miss”. He went to Kentucky, of course, because he was interested in their world renown music program. A few years later, Kentucky went on probation due to their equally renowned recruiting program. Go figure…

3)      I remember when the “Glenville pipeline” was tested before but Coach Ginn always came through for the Buckeyes. No one would be paying attention to these news blasts from Marcus other than for the fact – just last year – Cordale Scott became the first Tarblooder in the Tressel Era to spurn Ohio State and go elsewhere – Illinois.

So, it felt even worse when Marcus Hall said that Illinois was one of his two leaders. We will really feel funny if he starts singing the praises of their music school…

                                                   *     *     *    *

Tressel Train – on track from the old days…Last week, Jim Tressel welcomed in his old team, the Youngstown State Penguins to Columbus for their second big payday in two years. That’s giving back to the ones that brung ‘ya. And he gave back even bigger a few weeks before that by helping to finance the playing field at Baldwin-Wallace, where he grew up in Berea, grew up as a quarterback, and basked in the glow of legendary Coach (and dad) Lee Tressel in those formative days.

The Tressel name is all over the campus and now it is all over the field. In fact, it will be called “Tressel Field”. Older brother  Dave Tressel (who coached a bit until last year for the Yellow Jackets) and other-older brother Doc Tressel also contributed funds and their time to the establishment of a real turf field; light years better than the worn carpet that skinned knees and elbows for years at George Finnie Stadium.

Is the Tressel clan a big name in Berea? There are streets and buildings named “Tressel”. There’s even young Mark Tressel (nephew) returning to play for the ‘Jackets this year after some time away due to a horrific injury.

Never at a loss for something momentous to impart, JT said about his brothers Tressel: “First and foremost, we’re Yellow Jackets”. Uh, I think that was meant for mostly local consumption!

In addition to the turf itself, the Tressel family lead gift enabled B-W to replace its track and to renovate training and locker rooms there. To visit the actual Tressel Field rug-rolling and to see interviews with the triad of Tressels, you can go to www.bw.edu/news/tressel .

                                            *     *     *     *

How are our quarterbacks doing, anyway?...Well, in their first two games, our top two  Buckeye QB’s are Todd Boeckman (45-30 for 297 yards, 2 TD’s and 0 INT’s and 36 yards rushing) and Terrelle Pryor (4-8 for 35 yards, no TD’s or INT’s, 103 yards rushing and one rushing TD).

But that’s just the Ohio State quarterbacks in Columbus. Due to our recent export-and-transfer program, we’ve got ‘em playing all over the place!

Robbie Schoenhoft was the starter for the Delaware Hens and in his first game against D-I Maryland (the Hens had last Saturday off), Robbie was 14-22 for 128 yards, 1 INT and rushed for 21 yards.

Previously assumed heir apparent (and now apparently just gone), Antonio Henton stepped into the pocket for Georgia Southern two weeks ago against pre-season #1 Georgia and after two games (the second was against Austin Peay), Antonio had rushed 18 times for 124 yards (!) and had passed for 20-34 for 170 yards with two TD’s and 2 INT’s.

That’s a lot of talent and proves one thing: You just can’t get all of these guys on the field at the same time…

                                                 *     *     *     *

Don’t fumble with the family…And you certainly don’t want to fu…well, fumble with an irate mother. Last week, Arian Foster – the running back from Tennessee, coughed up the ball in the Vol’s frustrating loss to UCLA. Predictably, he got ripped on the Tenny message boards – like he intended to let down his teammates, right?

One of the Scout guys – a Roy Adams – was particularly vicious and inspired Foster’s mom to post the following retort:

Attention Roy and whoever else wants to read.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would've posted had we won, so what the heck. I've seen blame on everything from orange pants to Dustin Colquitt. Arian had a bad fumble....a good game, but a bad fumble. No excuses. It can't happen and it shouldn't. What would you like me to say?

Roy?

What would you like Arian to say to you? While you lure former athletes to your home with food and drink and God knows what else? While you sit there and offer $100 handshakes to anyone who will pay any attention to you? While you spread gossip like an old fat bat at the beauty shop? What would you like my son to tell you?

How about I tell you something instead. I'm grateful that he doesn't look for fools like you. I'm grateful that he stays far far away from crud and filth and people who have nothing better to do in life than to mire in other peoples business. I'm grateful that he can get up tomorrow and still look a fine man in the mirror. And I'm grateful that no matter what he does on the field or in life, he'll be a far better character than you will ever be.

Money doesn't buy you intelligence, it doesn't even buy you love. But I guess in Memphis, it sure as hell buys you a crowd at your house for a football game. I'd gladly be poor all my life than to wind up like you.

And I don't care if I get banned. You, Roy Adams, can kiss my ass.

Even though I think that says it all, maybe the SEC wants to look into that “$100 handshake” thing…

                                              *      *     *     *

Best that never played – fullbacks…In our continuing not-so-serious series covering Ohio State recruits that didn’t pan out as planned (flash in the pans?), we continue this week with a review of the vestigial position known as fullback at OSU. Who were the guys that passed the look test but failed either the book test or the “get out there and run into someone” test? We asked our Bucknuts Boys to remember back. After a little spittin’ and whittlin’, here’s what they recollected:

Mr. Bucknuts

Brock Bolin – Out of nearby Valley View, Brock wanted to be a tailback and Ohio State offered him as a linebacker (actually dissuaded him from committing at all). He chose Illinois, then left as the Zook regime was taking over; transferring to Louisville. After sitting out a year and then playing a year, ESPN listed him as the third best true fullback for next year’s NFL draft.

Kirk Larrabee

Durell Price - I would go with Durell, the UCLA FB who signed with OSU only to renege when the fax didn’t go through. He wasn’t a great player but I think he was fairly decent and I can’t think of a fullback better for this category.

Bill Kurelic

Jason Gwaltney - He was going to be the next great big back for the Buckeyes, but ended up at West Virginia.  Alas, he ran into problems and never lived up to the hype as a Mountaineer. 

Jeff Rapp

Aram Olson – This may seem like a cheap shot since Olson is currently in the program and still only a third-year player but after plowing people in high school and appearing to be a quintessential Big Ten fullback, he’s failed to hit anything more than a sour note on the practice field for the Buckeyes and it appears he may never play.

(Note: If this is too mean then go with Nate Stead)

Jerry Rudzinski

AJ Hawk - He wouldn't have been the 5th pick in the draft at fullback, but he would have at least been All-American. 2nd place would go to 1992 Mr. Football Mark Edwards.  Mark chose the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.

Dave Biddle

Nate Stead - Was supposed to be the next stud lead blocker at OSU, but kept finding his path to the library (and classrooms in general) blocked. 

Duane Long

Jesse Kline - Came in as a FB. Moved to RB and won the starting job in spring but gave up football before he ever carried the ball due to wear and tear on the body.

                                                  *     *     *     *

As time passes on…Last week’s choice of “greatest running back that never played” brought back memories of “stories that were never told”. Or at least not told in a while…

I remember back to the late lamented Dru Humphrey and the excitement he caused in recruiting circles; he was either a 6’3” 250-pound running back or middle linebacker. Dru died suddenly in a pick-up basketball game and tragically never got a chance to discover where his enormous potential might have moved him. Tressel was the new coach that year and was classy (and compassionate) enough to attend the funeral (or maybe it was the memorial service) for a kid he barely got to know.

Why do I remember that? Because the NCAA, in their infinite wisdom, suggested that an investigation might be appropriate for the “unauthorized” coaching visit between a coach and a recruit. I kid you not.

When it comes to “appropriate” and “NCAA”, it is always tough to work those words into the same sentence…

                                                  *     *     *     *

Funny new things have happened…on the way to our forums. We finally found a “change” at Bucknuts that we could pull off with no downside! That is, we virtually doubled the number of forums without changing your favorites or making them hard to find. This is the first of several new upgrades that will make the user experience at Bucknuts.com easier, more complete, faster and, well…more fun.

With new forums covering everything from social palaver and basketball recruiting to   the babe threads (I can already sense a migration away from the “serious” forums), you can come by as often as you like, join any of the boards and stay as long as you want. Each forum will have a Bucknutter assigned (along with moderators) to ensure that things are the way that they were intended.

Stop by for a chat…Check it all out at: http://forums.bucknuts.com 

                                                    *     *     *     *

And one other thing….Talking about the forums and talking about the SEC, I was moved to giggle-ment by the following line that appeared on the message board courtesy of Hawaii Buckeye:

“I wouldn't cheer for an SEC team if they were playing France.”

Now, that says it all. And better than I could…

Mr. Bucknuts is – obviously – easily amused. If you want to amuse or abuse him, feel free to post your messages below or to write him at MrBucknuts@yahoo.com