Mr. Bucknuts' Bucket Of Bullets: Oct. 4 Edition

STORY HIGHLIGHTS
  • OSU-Indiana recap, Big Ten roundup
  • The latest Boarding House with news on Kyle Long
  • The two Charissa Thompsons
By MrBucknuts
mrbucknuts@yahoo.com

Posted Oct 04, 2009

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Mr. Bucknuts finds a five-star recruit no one else is tracking plus more gossip on recruits everyone is tracking. Plus, there’s a game review, a substitute for Erin Andrews, Big Ten reports in general and Michigan reports specifically in this week’s all-new Bucket of Bullets.
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A day later, when the emotional and inspirational juices have been sapped and drained, cyber writers are then encouraged to do what’s traditionally left to do: analyze. To me, it is the last vestige of the unimaginative. And that is me.

So, my analysis of last night’s curious slop fest in Bloomington goes something like this: The first half was a wildly entertaining affair with sandlot play going both directions. A thoroughly dominant Ohio State made statement after statement, yet lead by just three points midway through the first half. Indiana had to play perfectly to stay in the game. They didn’t. Ohio State had to play just-good-enough to pull away. They did.

At halftime, officials from both schools met to invoke the mercy rule. But, upon further review, the NCAA rules were invoked instead, and they forced the teams to play another half. You wouldn’t have really noticed as it was a lackluster affair for those last 30 minutes. OSU out-scored IU 9-7 and at 10 PM and everyone went back to he parking lot fondly known as Highway 37, and then went home.

I can’t say that much of what happened was unexpected since I predicted a 20-point win (27-7) and we won by 19. Here are some other specific insights (?) I took away from a night of Crimson versus Scarlet:

1) I enjoyed listening to Glen Mason. I don’t know what it is about the old OSU lug but he is entertaining and honest.

2) Ohio State is in “The BBC” – The Big Boys Club. Indiana is not. At one point, the Hoosiers were hanging all over Terrelle and he simply flipped a pass to an even bigger boy (Jake Ballard) and they converted. It looked like the eighth graders playing the sixth graders out there at times.

3) We can beat these non-BBC clubs pretty handily. Another BBC-er is coming to town on Saturday, though, in Wisconsin. How handily will we take out the Badgers – that’s the question…

4) A touchdown pass to the fullback coming out of the backfield should bring tears to the eyes of long-suffering Buckeye cynics. See the Boarding House points below about Darrell Hazel.

5) Ray Fisher showed his Glenville roots (routes?) by running through the Buckeye coverage teams all night. Fortunately, we had them out-Glenvilled with Rob Rose, Marcus Hall, Jonathan Newsome, Jermale Hines, Bryant Browning and Jermil martin. The best Glenville guys play for the BBC.

6) Aaron Pettrey went from Nugent-esque to a concern. He missed an easy FG right and then missed an easier one left. His traditional end-zone howitzer shot kickoffs weren’t clearing the five-yard line (see; Ray Fisher). That was troubling.

I was anxious to see Joe Bauserman get some action. Particularly after Terrelle got sloppy with ball security (a fumble and an INT in the fourth quarter). If Joe wanted to follow in TP’s footsteps, he did a good job by being just as sloppy and handing over the last seven points to a suddenly resurgent Indiana offense. The defense deserved better. In fact, there should be a new stat that details “Points against the first-team defense”. So far this year, the Buckeye first team D has given up:

1) 13 points to Navy (14 were scored against the second team and Anderson Russell)

2) 7 points to USC (7 more were scored after Terrelle gifted an INT and the refs screwed up on fourth down; plus a late first-half gift field goal from JT)

3) None against Toledo

4) None against Illinois.

5) And just seven against Indiana.

That means, against five offensive-minded teams loaded with trickeration and gimmickry, this defense has given up 27 points in five games, or a little over five points a game. Well done, men!

Finally – let’s project. Indiana pretty much manhandled Michigan and had them beat – at the Big House. Ohio State did manhandle Indiana and beat them like tied-down goats. That bodes well (in this syllogism) for OSU handling Michigan

But Wisconsin has to be next. And we will learn a lot more about our beloved Buckeyes next Saturday…

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Big comebacks or big letdowns (?) in the Big Ten…And that’s just between noon and three! Iowa took a 21-7 lead into the fourth quarter against Arkansas State (!) and hung on to win 24-21. Michigan State absolutely dominated Michigan for 52 minutes, leading 20-6; to see the sand-lotters come back and Forcier an overtime. Wisconsin had their way with Minnesota, up 24-14 with less than half the fourth quarter to go and survived 31-28. Then you had Purdue taking Northwestern to the woodshed 21-3 before – oops - losing 27-21. And as to some Big Ten specifics:

Down goes Michigan! Down goes Michigan!...Despite Michigan State’s three turnovers, 100 yards in penalties and busted plays galore to try to keep the DickRodders in the game, Michigan finally succumbed to physics and lost in overtime. Michigan’s vaunted ground game? Ground up in East Lansing with 28 total yards including OT. UM came in leading the world in rushing but that was a world composed of porous defenses like Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Notre Dame and Indiana. It’s amazing how quickly the stats change (-3 yards in the first half) when you play someone that can, well…play! They played Michigan State which had lost their last three in a row and had given up 90 points. So who are these guys in Ann Arbor anyway? We still don’t know…

One other thought watching the two Michigans play…Who is this Coach Dantonio? The one we knew was a defensive genius. This coach had MSU running a great diverse offense that used the whole field and everyone on it. Go figure. He either became a modern offensive guru or turned the chores over to one. What a concept, eh?

The Big Ten starts to sort itself out next Saturday with Ohio State-Wisconsin, Michigan at Iowa, Minnesota and Purdue, and a couple of mid-season non-conference games. More on all that next week!

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Speaking on which…We love to plug the Bucknuts Radio Hour (every Monday – posted on the front page because, well…we love doing the show!

Now, there’s even more to love.

In an exercise of excess, we debuted last night the first post game live radio show in the history of, uh, at least Bucknuts! Dave Biddle hosted a call in live show after the game at Indiana and we plan to feature Biddle-in-the-middle for more badinage after the Badgers this Saturday.

Stay tuned!

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Here’s my dream match-up for the BCS MNC game…You have yours? I have mine:

Boise State versus TCU.

Since logic and proportion have long been sloppy dead at the NCAA-in-Wonderland, we have to fantasize about fairness concerning the irony we know as the playoff-less national championship. So, let’s look down the rabbit hole at these two particular teams. How can stay undefeated and make the “good argument” to play in Pasadena for all the flawed marbles?

Boise State: Had to win over UC Davis and out-lasted the Davis-eers 34-16. They have Tulsa, Hawaii, San Jose State, Louisiana Tech, Idaho, Utah State, Nevada and New Mexico State. They will be heavily favored in all those games.

Texas Christian: Had to strap it on against SMU and survived that close call 39-14. Next up? It’s Air Force and Colorado State before their game-of-the year against BYU (26-point loser to Florida State). Then it’s UNLV and San Diego State before hosting Utah. They finish downing cupcakes Wyoming and New Mexico.

Because of more daunting competition (read: actual good teams), the current BCS contenders have much tougher paths than do the BCS pretenders. Florida’s schedule isn’t that tough this year but they are forced to play teams that can beat them if Timmy Tebow is still on Queer Street. And Alabama? The Tide likely faces Florida in their SEC final game if they can get by South Carolina, LSU and Auburn. Texas? There’s the specter of Oklahoma, Missouri and Oklahoma State.

And who are the other undefeateds in the Top 25 that could ruin my dream game? Check it out: LSU (plays Florida so bye-bye), Cincinnati, Iowa, and Kansas. The only team with any likelihood whatsoever to have no losses come bowl time might be Cincinnati (toughest game is, uh, South Florida or Pitt and I like that title game almost as much, except for the provincial preening.

We will keep you updated each week on the Boise State-TCU likelihood – but I like the chances of one or the other spilling hypocrisy all over the cozy arrangements of the NCAA and their incestuous system.

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The Boarding House…here we come again with the same warning labels and explanations!

The Bucknuts Boarding HouseWhere rumors live and die.

For the last couple of weeks, the Bucknuts beat boys have brought you what they hear and see and are loathe to write about as fact: a bunch of rumors and gossip and innuendo. We don’t treat it is if it’s “inside information”, like some sites do. And we certainly don’t treat it as “truth”. Yet – you guys love to hear the good stuff. To do that, we have to:

1) Disclaim that we don’t know if any of it is true

2) Not attribute it to any particular source

3) Not attribute it to any particular reporter!

We hope it’s interesting and it’s all fairly entertaining and some of it might even turn out to be actually, well…true! So, forewarned is forearmed. Don’t write me and tell me that we shouldn’t publish rumors. We already know that!

Here it is, anyway. Check inside the House. Hey – there’s always something cooking at the Boarding House!!!

* So whatever happened to Kyle Long, anyway?...For those not obsessed with such things as “Block O” recruiting or “The Brew Crew” from recruiting circa 2008, here’s the tale. There was a legendary high school lineman from Virginia named Kyle Long. He is the son of even-more-legendary Howie Long and the brother of St. Louis Rams starting defensive end, Chris Long. At the time, Kyle was a foundational building block of the Block O recruiting class along with Mike Brewster, Mike Adams, JB Shugarts and Josh Jenkins. Jenkins couldn’t take the pressure of being but-one-of-five and he flamed out, going to dwell in obscurity in Morgantown.

Back to our story…

Kyle was considered one of the best offensive line talents in the nation. He was also one of the premier pitching talents in the nation, possessor of a legit 95-mile an hour fastball. At 6’8 and 270 pounds, he was one intimidating 18-year-old kid.

But he was just a kid and the decision–making prowess of kids is also legendary. This kid decided to take up baseball instead of football and accepted a scholly to Florida State. That made two mistakes (IMHO); Football was his ticket and his support system and -Florida State? Well, it was Florida State. The Virginian felt lost down there, never made it through his first semester and went back home to Charlottesville.

Now, let’s review the rumors and reconcile them:

Rumor #1: Kyle was thrown out of school (FSU). Untrue. He left and never finished his first grading period.

Rumor #2: He wanted to go back and FSU wouldn’t take him. Completely untrue. When FSU beseeched him to come back – and he wouldn’t – an unseemly campaign was floated to make it sound differently.

Rumor #3: The was “an incident”. Not really. There WAS a DUI, but nothing any different than what players at OSU have survived (think Branden Joe or Donald Washington or Alex Boone).

So what has he done the past year at home in Virginia? Unimportant. What is important is what he will do with the rest of his college career! This is a very athletic and very driven kid who plays to the whistle and has limitless upside. He is also a great kid and not the “character risk” that Florida State tried to portray.

And Kyle also still has that interest in Ohio State. He has friends in the program (staying in touch with the Brew Crew guys – although not so much lately) and Howie Long really likes JT.

As Kyle starts dipping his toe back into the exploratory waters of a re-recruiting campaign, our West Coast spies tell me he has already contacted Pete Carroll. Terrible choice (IMO, once again).

Can we get Kyle and his family re-re-re-interested in Ohio State? I will bring you updates of this Long and winding road as they occur…

 

* Another superstar of recent bygone era…is Keith Wells, and could he be bygone after this season? A talented “rush” DE who finds his talents planted in the three-deep+ there on the bench, the fact that he doesn’t get into the game until after walk-on Tom Ingham plays should speak loudly of his Buckeye opportunities. I say he leaves after the season…

* The Braxton Miller saga…Here’s what our guys know and here’s a gossipy supposition that might have some foundation in the facts: Braxton Miller is going on other visits – but there is no interest in any other school. He has already decided. He is a Buckeye. The staff knows this, but they are not going public with the information. He wants to see other schools, talk to other recruits, and enjoy the process – for now!

That’s all good, right? And all is right in Braxton world – right? Maybe not perfect there in Huber Heights. Reports have reached us that he missed one game with a deep thigh bruise but last Friday’s game because of a scuffle he got into with his girlfriend.

* More offensive coaching stories…According to one source very familiar with the Ohio State coaching staff, the OSU coach who is the best teacher on the staff is wide receiver coach Darrell Hazell.  The source went on to say Hazell, from a technique and teaching standpoint, is the best coach he has ever been around.  He lauded Hazell’s knowledge on the finer points of becoming a great wide receiver, and his ability to get his concepts across to the Buckeyes’ receivers.

As to sideline stuff: Hazell isn't just calling some of the plays, he's calling a bunch of them. It was his idea to go almost-exclusively out of the shotgun against Illinois.

The changing of the guard? Not really, but Hazell is heavily involved. Some of the grumpy reporters thought Tressel was just saying that to get the media/fans off his back. But we’re hearing Hazell has definitely been handed the keys to some extent.

* We don’t hear Jack…But we’re listening now! That’s Jack Nicklaus we are talking about and Nicklaus who is talking about the football Buckeyes. The famous I-dotter and all around OSU I-con, was frustrated by the inept offensive showing he witnessed against USC. A friend of his told us that he went up to AD Gene Smith after the game and said he should “fire all the coaches”!

And you think we get emotional and over-react…

Lots more to come in Thursday’s Boarding House updates. Catch what’s cooking and catch some follow-up to previous House rumors…

*     *     *     *

I wish I’d thought of that…As those of you know that have witnessed my harangues and rants and sanctimonious journalistic temper tantrums, I hate the BcS with its fraudulent Mythical National Championship and I have persistently championed a college football playoff system of 16 teams. My plaint finally reached the ears of Sports Illustrated and they have begun a weekly “SI Playoff Brackett”.

I love the idea and I love the explanation of the idea which went something like:

“A panel of 14 will writers vote for the 16 teams that deserve to play for the national championship in a postseason tournament. After the first four weeks of the season, title contenders have emerged on the strength of their play instead of pre-season hype. There are no automatic bids, no special treatment for independents in South Bend – in fact, no BCS at all. Just the Top 16 teams in the land”.

The brackets had OSU at #12 last week (and – gasp – Cincinnati at #7!), but all we have to do is beat Virginia Tech and (probably) Iowa to face Florida to got to the championship game.

You want controversy? You would have it every week with this system; and times 16! Plus, ya gotta love the:

1) “Teams that deserve to play” Wow – what a concept!

2) “Strength of their play instead of pre-season hype” Love it! Love it!

3) “No special treatment for independents in South Bend” They found out!!!

4) “Just the Top 16 teams in the land”

Man, wake me up and tell me I haven’t been dreaming. Forget the swimsuit issue. Sports Illustrated has discovered something REALLY big…

*     *     *     *

What’s Cook-ing up north…Michigan’s version of Ramzy (OK, I apologize in advance to both of them…) is MGoBlog’s Brian Cook who is go-blogging for Bucknuts this year, as well. I can hate the state while I love the stuff, right?

Last week, Brian reprised Michigan’s latest snatching-victory-from-the-jaws-of-defeat gasper against Indiana in a column called, “Where Teeth Have Skin”. Good enough jape there, but the relevant part to us Wolverine-haters was Cook’s brutal analysis about the UM defense which went something like:

Let's just get it out of the way: the defense is a wreck and there's about zero hope it gets better before the end of the year. For the second straight game, Michigan flat-out started a walk-on. This time it was safety Jordan Kovacs, who replaced an injured Mike Williams at strong safety. Kovacs made a few good plays on backside blitzes but his lack of speed was brutally exposed on Indiana's 85-yard touchdown. Meanwhile, Boubacar Cissoko continued to establish his level of performance, and not in a good way: after blowing an assignment on Indiana's first touchdown and watching a receiver run right by him for a a 55-yard completion he was yanked for JT Floyd. Floyd played the rest of the game ten yards of the line of scrimmage and was a repeated victim on Indiana passing plays. He was still better than Cissoko. The depth in the secondary is horrific.

And while the secondary is dealing with backups and therefore has some tenuous, if not particularly reassuring, excuses, the linebacking corps is almost as bad and has no injury issues to blame. On multiple occasions they blew assignments in the triple option or just simply failed to read plays fast enough to make simple tackles for loss and instead turned them into touchdowns. Since the top backups here are also walkons and touted sophomore JB Fitzgerald does stuff like this (watch the guy lined up on the top hash on the 32)…

…Michigan's just going to have to live with it and hope people get better with experience.

The one hope for the unit here is that Michigan is enduring a severe case of WTF-itis since they're on their third defensive coordinator, and third primary scheme, in three years.

Is that “WTF-itis” as in “sinusitis” or like looking at an aardvark and wondering “WTF it is”? Both are something not to sniff at…

*     *     *     *

Bucks for clunkers…I tried not to like this but couldn’t turn away. About one hundred cash for clunkers were lined up behind the Kasper Toyota store in Sandusky and spelled out “Script Ohio” perfectly!  One other Bucknutty item while we are there:  The “Block O” flag you see is on the tallest flagpole in the state and it is the largest “Block O” flag in the world, at thirty feet times sixty feet. Enjoy.



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Back to what you really want: sideline hotties…Trying to go the 12-step route to cure our Bucknuts staff from its addiction to Erin Andrews, I thought we discovered a treatment program in the newest hottie: Charissa Thompson. She was described by one college football blog as:

And Charissa Thompson is not only attractive (far more than Erin Andrews), she can do just as good of a job as Erin Andrews. She's stuck on the FSN Baseball Report (which is a terrible show) and doing sideline coverage for the Big 10 Network which works with FSN. I guarantee you if Thompson gets a bigger gig (like on ESPN or something), she'll probably overtake Erin Andrews as Queen of the College Football Sideline Reporting.

I thought we had a scoop (Erin Andrews-esque) when we concomitantly discovered a little porn turn that Charissa had been, uh, exposed to. Here’s that shot:

Turns out that Charissa has another Charissa to contend with: a model/porn star with the same name who isn't wearing TV sports-reporter attire. "A lot of people have pointed that out to me, even my father," Thompson told a Rocky Mountain News reporter recently. "If I could change my name, I would."

Maybe you have to look closely (like a “Where’s Waldo?”) but we promise it’s worth it and we will continue our sideline survey in the many weeks and months ahead…

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Alien links and other unearthly delights…I have been criticized in this space (and others) for not focusing enough on the serious issues of weight training and football. I have also been criticized about using the nom de plum of “DickRod” when describing the current coach of our friendly rivals up north. So, it is with a small degree of pride that I can address both concerns with just one article. Tell me that doesn’t make you want to go out and pump some iron!

And since we have lost a number of the match-making ads on the front of Bucknuts.com, a number of you are lost in your search for the perfect mate. Worry no more. I have found the site for you and you can find the mate.

Finally, on a lighter note, we bring you the newest car pooling idea in these tough times. This comes from Rio, whose technology prowess is about to be tested in 2016!

To express your own ideas, critiques or to suggest items that are actually funny for this hyper-link feature, feel free to express yourself below or to attack Mr. B up-close-and-personal at MrBucknuts@yahoo.com